


For Someone I Thought Couldn't Misbehave

by sajere1



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, powers are still a thing but the details of the academy are Different
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 20:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18080666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sajere1/pseuds/sajere1
Summary: Dave is a football player. Dave is a member of the school GSA, a full-time DM for some dumb tabletop game, openly and loudly believes Klaus is an alien, and is apparently a savant at nineteen sixties history. Dave has a sister who smokes weed constantly and a letterman jacket that smells weirdly nice and Klaus thinks a praise kink maybe, which like, he can work with.Here is the first of many, many problems: Klaus can't have sex with Dave.Yeah, it doesn't get better from there.





	For Someone I Thought Couldn't Misbehave

Klaus can’t get away with very much. Well – okay, the drugs don’t count, to be clear, because to say Klaus gets away with drugs is to say Five gets away with having a half-destroyed mannequin for his primary conversational partner. It’s like a normal person getting away with driving to work instead of walking. So the drugs don’t count. With actual secrets, things Klaus really wants to hide, he has no chance. He usually doesn’t even bother with pretending in the first place.

“So why,” Diego says, dramatically flipping the pages of _The Things They Carried_ for emphasis, “were you hiding this?”

“You’re making assumptions.” Klaus is high, sprawled out over the couch like a Playboy model, and he’s getting higher, because Ben has been a judgy fuck since he died and will certainly confiscate Klaus’ bong when he gets home. “I didn’t hide it from you. I just forgot.”

“Forgot to say something, or forgot you bought it?”

Klaus shrugs noncommittally. Diego, despite himself, smiles.

“What do you even need this for, anyway?” Diego says, trailing a finger down the table of contents. “Never pegged you as a war buff.”

“Shows what you know. I’ve been pegged by plenty of war buffs.” KIaus takes a moment to snicker at his own joke. Diego rolls his eyes. “It’s for class, if you gotta know. Some history thing about the sixties. First section is Vietnam. Apparently it’s a good starting point for, like, the media of the time, or whatever.”

Diego squints at him. “You don’t have a history class this semester.”

“Do now. Dropped my lit course for it.”

“Thought you couldn’t drop any classes…?”

“One class per semester.”

“So, why - ?”

“Couldn’t find the lit class on the first day. Walked into that shit instead.”

Diego waits for a long moment for Klaus to elaborate. He does not. After a minute, Diego gives in. “And you didn’t just walk out of the class and find your regular one, because?”

Klaus sighs dreamily. For a moment his gaze is distant and fond in a way Diego has never seen it before, and he watches in bemusement as Klaus actually, willingly sets down his bong, turning to look straight at Diego with stars in his eyes and a wide smile.

“Dave,” Klaus says, grinning.

+x+

Dave is talking to someone when Klaus skitters into the second meeting of the 1960’s America class. Klaus is just on the wrong edge of fashionably late, though not quite as late as the professor, but Dave still manages a cursory smile at him. Klaus is beaming as he slides into his seat, one ear on the conversation in between his hazy high.

“ – Saturday night,” is what the other classmate is saying – Chaz, or something, Klaus thinks. “Min said something on Discord about Tuesday, but I’ve got track. I know it’s right after your practice – “

“It’s cool, no, if that’s what works for everyone it’s what works.” Dave is interesting to look at, and not just because he’s hot. Maybe it’s just because Klaus is riding a constant high, but Dave has this fun thing where you can’t quite tell whether his hair is blonde or black where it curls out under his beanie. The lighting says blonde, but his soul patch is black, and Klaus wants so bad to know if he’s dying his hair or if he’s just seeing shit weird. It’s hard to fantasize about jerking a guy off when you can only imagine him wearing a hat, y’know?

“Sorry, I know it sucks.”

“No, man, it’s fine, I’m just happy we can get together and play again.” Dave’s smile is toothy and wide. It’s a really nice smile.

Dave is a sophomore. Normally, Klaus doesn’t go for the stereotypical buff jock types, but Dave is not just any stereotypical buff jock; he’s a stereotypical buff jock who wears a rainbow pin on his leather jacket, and who scribbled endlessly on something called the Drake equation instead of taking notes the first day of class (it’s an alien thing, best as Klaus could find on Google), and who smells like ashy cigarettes even though Klaus can’t physically imagine him smoking. He’s like if you took a picture of the perfect student and put it under water, so it was just a little distorted.

And he’s hot. Dave is so hot.

When the harried-looking teacher stumbles into the room, mumbling apologies as he trips over himself to the desk, Dave’s friend backs away into their seat on the other edge of the room. As the teacher sets up the projector, Dave nudges Klaus gently with his knee and mutters, “Hey, did you do the reading?”

“Uh, no,” Klaus says, deer in headlights.

“Me neither.” Dave grins sheepishly. “Guess we’ll have to wing it, huh?”

Dave’s smile makes Klaus’ heart feel feather light in a way that he’s only ever approached with hard drugs. “Yeah,” he manages. “We’ll figure it out.”

+x+

“I’m not getting it,” Ben says, flat, munching on some popcorn where they’ve pulled up the curtain that divides his and Klaus’ ‘rooms’ for their Bro Bonding Sleepover.

Klaus sighs with all the drama of a man who has been told his brother’s funeral is tomorrow. “He’s hot,” he repeats. “I can’t just not fuck him.”

“You don’t have to be in that class with him to fuck him, right?” Diego says, scraping his knife idly against a pencil where he’s sitting on Ben’s bed. He was not, technically, invited to the Bro Bonding Sleepover, but neither Ben nor Klaus are particularly inclined to argue with Diego at any given moment, so on Ben’s bed he stays. “You couldn’t have just, like…asked him for his number?”

“Oh, Diego. Sweet Diego.” Klaus shakes his head fondly. “You forget. I can sit next to him every day.” At Diego and Ben’s exchanged look, because apparently Klaus’s brothers are even bigger idiots than he thought, Klaus rolls his eyes. “Instead of going to a stupid literature class where I have to pay attention or whatever, I can just look at him every day and think about all the fantastic sex we’re gonna have.”

Ben’s gaze, as it often is when it rests on Klaus, is critical. “You’ve shot yourself in the foot,” he says.

“I have not!”

“Yes you have.” Ben grabs another handful of popcorn between them, dodging around the remote where they’ve paused the shitty Nic Cage movie to instead delve deep into the inner workings of Klaus’ newest loverboy. “You want to fuck him, right?”

“Duh.”

“And you’re going to be in class with him all semester.”

“Fuck yeah.”

“And you’re still on academic probation.”

“…I mean, irrelevant, but yes.”

While Ben’s presentation is always measured, there’s an ever-present undercurrent of Hargreeves Dramatic Flair that makes even Diego set his knife down, eager to listen. “When you fuck this guy, you’re not gonna be able to avoid him afterwards because he sits next to you in class. You can’t drop this class, because you need the credit or the school’s on your ass. And you want to have sex with this guy. So unless you’ve suddenly decided it’s time to commit to monogamy, you’re either going to fuck him, drop the class, fuck up this semester, and get kicked out, or you can’t fuck this guy until the end of the semester.”

Ben gestures to the action scene on the screen. “Gun.” Gestures to Klaus. “Foot.”

Klaus is not an arguer. He is also, despite the odds, pretty high. So it takes a moment of squinting hard at Ben and watching Diego’s grin slowly grow across the room before it clicks.

“Aw, fuck,” he groans, barely audible over Diego’s delighted laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> i forgot how much i hated editing but i love my boys and theyre content and i Will Not Be Stopped
> 
> i havent decided how nsfw this is gonna get, so bear with me. also a whole lot of my dave characterization is based on my sheet of headcanons i have for Actual Dave translated into a modern setting, and if you disagree with any of those thats cool! but this is how I am filling in the blank canvas that is dave's personality
> 
> title of the fic and of this chapter from the song "nobody" by hozier, and i would be remiss not to mention the assassins creed fic "Jump" by ficthepainaway as general inspiration for me getting dragged back into School AUs again and as general inspiration because, seriously, such a good fic. here's hoping i can do it halfway justice
> 
> catch me at @detectiveeudorapatch on tumblr!


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